One of the problems a lot of my students complain about is that they are not getting laid as much as their friends. This is ridiculous for a couple of reasons. Firstly, you have no real idea how much your friends are getting laid, and it’s highly probable that they will be talking up their sexual exploits rather than talking them down. Secondly, everyone around you has to deal with their own challenges and problems to succeed, and these may differ a great deal from your situation.

A rich and successful investment banker may feel jealous of a barman who appears to live a care free life with the luxury of time on his hands. Where as a barman may feel jealous of the banker who is rich and successful and has a structured life. The fact is, whatever you do, there will always be someone who is out performing you in some area, be it money, job satisfaction, or having more fun.

There is no point constantly comparing yourself to others as this is will never result in contentment. If you go out with a ‘10’ someone else will eventually come along with a more attractive girl on their arm, and all of a sudden your girl is less good looking by comparison. This shouldn’t bother you, and instead try to concentrate on the fact that you have a gorgeous girl on your arm without making it a competition.

Be content with yourself and what you’re doing, and don’t worry about how many women Russel Brand is bringing home every night, and don’t let ‘Nuts’ magazine convince you that everyone out there is having threesomes with impossibly good looking women. Concentrate on yourself and what you’re achieving. The best way of doing this is to record your progress, so that you can look back at where you were months or years ago, and feel content in how far you’ve come and what you’ve achieved.

Brad

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I find that I get the best results when I simplify things with students, which is why I’m sharing what I consider to be the five most fundamental elements of improving game.

1. Don’t make excuses not to approach

People love to make excuses for themselves. Students often say that they’re too tired to run game in the evenings, or that they don’t live in a good area, or that they don’t have a wingman to go out with. There will always be excuses not to approach. Remove them.

2. Get a new look

If you haven’t done this already, make sure you start dressing well. If you have no idea how to do this, then go to your local newsagents and buy some men’s magazines which contain fashion pages that you can copy. Go to some fashionable high street stores, and look at what the mannequins are dressed in. Copy it to the letter if you’re not sure, or simply ask the shop assistants for their advice. Go to an upmarket hair salon and ask them what they think would look good for your hair.

3. Set yourself goals

What are you trying to achieve from game? Sleep with lots and lots of women? Date only the best looking women? Get a girlfriend? Loose your virginity? Whatever it is, write down what your long term goal is, and then write down what steps you are going to take to get there. For example, rather than just saying to yourself ‘I want to get a girlfriend’, and then getting anxious about not having one, write down the steps that you are going to take to improve your chances of getting a girlfriend. These may include expanding your social circle by joining various clubs and hosting more parties etc. Tick off these smaller goals as soon as you pass them, and then concentrate on the next stage. It will help keep you motivated and focused to see yourself improve, and you are more likely to achieve your long term target if you tackle it in stages.

4. Slow down your speech, and speak slowly, and leave pauses

Speaking slowly is a key part of being confident in any social interaction, and it’s also a big part of being seductive. So many students talk fast when they’re in set, and they cannot help but fill any pause in conversation with nervous chatter. Don’t do this! Make a mental note to try and speak extra slowly in at least one set each day, and to leave more pauses than you usually would, then analyse how different you feel in these sets compared to others. You will probably notice that you feel more confident and in control, and you may also notice that girls will happily fill the natural silences that happen in conversations.

5. Use kino

‘When should I start using kino?’ is a question that I’m often asked, and my answer is ‘immediately’. Using kino is vital in building attraction and comfort, however it is not something that comes naturally to most men. Start using kino in your conversations by breaking your arms at the elbows and start gesturing as you speak, making a conscious effort to throw in as many light touches as possible.

Remember to make eye contact with the girl as you kino her, and to make your touches light and quick. Women are much more sensitive to touch than men, and so even when we think we’re touching them gently we may actually still be too rough.

Expect using kino to feel unnatural at first, but keep forcing yourself to do it, and you will soon find that you are doing it without thinking, and will therefore have a greater chance of building attraction and comfort, as well as forcing IOIs.

So, there you have my five simple points that anyone can incorporate into their game to start getting better with women. If you work on these simple points, rather than sitting in front of your computer memorizing a ton of material, you will find that your game will improve dramatically.

So what are you waiting for?

Brad

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In this instance two PUAs were out filming some approaches in central London, and things were going well. A number close was on with a particularly fine young lady, until a nearby stall holder decided to blow open the set, showing terrible PU etiquette as he did so.

Firstly, he told the girl she was being filmed. Now, this is fair enough. It’s only right that people should know they’re being filmed. The chaps were going to tell her afterwards, and when she found out she didn’t actually care, thought it was funny, and was more than happy to carry on the interaction.

Then his story changed to a complaint about his stall being used for a commercial film. What? I’m not sure why anyone would rather film today’s cheap offers for a sausage roll instead of some top quality London totty, but whatever.

Then, when the police arrived, he tried to have them arrested for terrorism offences! No seriously, he claimed that they were filming a venue to blow up. Now, I’m a proud Londoner like the other seven million of us, and I know only too well the importance of keeping vigilant, but this just sounds too ridiculous!

Has anyone else ever been to central London and seen LOADS OF TOURISTS fliming things? Yeah, thought so.

Anyhow, the PUAs told the police officer exactly what they were doing, approaching women and filming it, so people could see exactly how it easy it was to start a conversation with a beautiful girl. Luckily the police officer could see little wrong with that, and decided not to opt for a full tear gas take down, and instead just took their names and addresses.

So only a minor inconvience suffered, all due to a rather bitter sounding stall holder. Does the word ‘jealously’ spring to the mind of anyone else? I personally think that this guy couldn’t handle seeing someone chat up a hot girl close to his horrid little burger shack. Wherever there’s a PUA, there will be a bitter guy who’s not getting laid close by.

However, even after all this palava, our man got the number, so it was a happy ending after all!

Brad (who is reminding all PUAs to remain vigilant in the face of terrorism)

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If you go straight from attraction to seduction, you may get results in some cases, but a lot of the time you’re going to risk coming on too strong, and you the girl will probably be scared off.

If you spend all night in the attraction phase, the girl may think you’re a fun, interesting guy, but she won’t have really got to know you, and won’t necessarily have invested enough trust in you to let you seduce her. Jump straight into seduction mode, and you’ve come on too strong.

No matter how good you are, you have to keep to the structure, and that mean’s building comfort and rapport at some stage.

If you’re teasing a girl, flirting with her, and everything is going well, then don’t be afraid to take things into the comfort stage. As long as you’ve demonstrated that you’re you’re a fun and attractive person, it’s totally okay to lead her into the comfort phase, and start building solid rapport.

Building rapport and comfort will often be what makes the difference between getting a day 2 and not. If a girl has kissed a guy and exchanged numbers with him, she may have had a good evening, and enjoyed the guy’s company, but she might still wake up the next morning thinking, ‘That was fun, but I didn’t really know that guy.’ Crucially, if you haven’t built comfort, the trust element will be missing when she makes her decision of whether or not to meet you again. She may be attracted to you, but she may also be wary of meeting up with a guy who she doesn’t really know.

Get to know the girl. Ask her questions that other guys won’t ask. ‘If you could wake up tomorrow in a different country, where would it be?’ ‘Do you remember your first day at school?’ Make her describe her feelings to you, and work on eliciting strong emotions from her. Whatever question you ask, don’t ask another until you’ve connected on what she’s said. Take the conversation back to herself, make assumptions about what she’s told you, and don’t be afraid to challenge her.

After a conversation like this, you will have made a connection, and more importantly you will be someone who she feels she can relate to, and trusts. You can now move onto the seduction phase safe in the knowledge that you won’t be just another guy she’s met. You’ll be someone who has stood out from the other guys that she’s attracted to, which is why you’ll get a day 2.

Brad

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Granted, there are literally only a couple of people I’ve met in my life who are like this, but they ooze confidence and testosterone, and are able to seduce women seemingly at ease, which leads me to the question of this article.

Can someone who has become really good at pick up outgame a natural?

The answer isn’t about yes or no, and I personally think it’s the question that is more interesting, as it offers an insight into the mindset of the average PUA. PU breaks down interaction into a series of phases, which are all part of a greater ‘system’, in which some people are able to perform to a greater level than others. The fact is, that in life, some people are going to be more attracted to certain kinds of people than others, regardless of how confident the person that they don’t choose is, or what ‘attraction switches’ they activate.

In short, I know a couple of non PUAs who could happily out-game Neil Strauss, Mystery and any other ‘MPUAs’ in the world. They wouldn’t be running game, or routines etc, they would just be themselves, witty, engaging, supremely confident, and outwardly seductive.

Their ‘inner game’ is taken care of, to the extent that it is something that they probably won’t have ever felt the need to address, and they will have genuine pre selection, without needing to affect any kind of behaviour that isn’t totally true to themselves.

In some cases a PUA can outgame a natural, however this may be due to the fact that the PUA has actually become quite an attractive person, not because they’re running game. PU gives guys who struggle to talk to girls the chance to compete with naturals, but it by no means offers an unbreakable system that will guarantee results in every circumstance, despite the fact that ‘gurus’ often market it as such.

More importantly, an MPUA shouldn’t care about being out-gamed, as they should be enjoying the peace of mind that success brings, and therefore wouldn’t need to qualify themselves to anyone.

Sometimes we can forget that this is actually interaction, not a system that needs to be broken down and analysed. Pick up can teach you how to be a more interesting better, more attractive person, but it’s not about winning, or defeating other people, it’s about enjoying life.

Sometimes with all the best ‘game’ in the world, a girl will just be attracted to someone else. So who’d ‘win’ out of a natural and a PUA? Who cares? If everyone is enjoying life, and exercising choice with women then surely everyone’s happy? You win some and you loose some, and whilst the game can give you a better shot at success, but it’s never guaranteed.

Brad

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Most people in this community are aware of the transformations that The Game can achieve. None are more dramatic than that of Strauss himself, who went from being a dateless AFC who wondered if he would ever find someone, to becoming a sliver tounged Lothario, capable of seducing women on a level, and even becoming even more capable than those who had taught him.

His story gave hope to millions, and he soon had an army of followers, as men across the world started using his methods to seduce women. Thousands of men have testified to how the game has transformed their lives from socially inept geeks to smooth talking seducers.

However, the journey from someone who can’t even talk to women, let alone get a date, to becoming a pick up artist who has almost complete choice with women, is not an overnight, or smooth transition. It often takes months of approaches and rejections before someone can hone their game and start building confidence to be really good.

The Pick Up Artist on VH1 is aiming to compress this process into just a few weeks, and the contestants will be expected to get dramatic results in a very short amount of time. Granted they will be being trained by Mystery, supposedly one of the greatest pick up artists of all time, however it’s debatable about what even he can do to transform the love lives of a relatively large number of hapless men.

It will also be interesting to see how the Mystery Method fares in modern society. It’s arguably a victim of its own success, and the lines and techniques that Mystery teaches are now quite well known. So does asking for a girl’s opinion, before gnetly lowering her self esteem through negs still work in the field? Or will savy girls start blowing their cover?

I’d like to say that we’ll find answers from watching the second series of The Pick Up Artist, however reality TV is not the most genuine of formats, and it’s going to be difficult to judge exactly how good the contestants are, and who’s performances are totally genuine, as opposed to who is being stage managed and selected to stay, due to their qualities which make them suitable for reality TV.

Becoming a master pick up artist takes years of studying and practicing theory, and isn’t an honour that can be bestowed upon someone after a few weeks of being filmed. I would love to see a program mapping the transformation of someone over the course of months from a man who couldn’t even look a girl in the eye, to someone who can seduce the attractive women of their choice. It’s a process that I’ve both undergone myself, and witnessed, and only hope that The Pick Up Artist on VH1 can do it justice.

Brad

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A lot of students have a problem of not knowing what to say after the opener, which was a problem that I needed to overcome at one point of my PUA journey.

The common situation is that you deliver your opener, and then you try and transition the conversation away from your original question, which can be difficult for a couple of reasons:

Firstly, a lot of guys just say that they simply run out of stuff to say, and an awkward silence ensues.

Secondly, some guys find that the girl is a little too keen to give her advice, and they end up having a lengthy conversation about a situation which has just been invented for the purpose of opening sets!

Here are my solutions:

If you are running out of things to say, try making assumptions, rather than just asking another question. For example, if she gives some advice, you can make an assumption about her, on the grounds of why she made that particular suggestion. The example below demonstrates how to respond when you’ve asked her advice on what present to get a female friend of yours, and she suggests jewellery.

PUA: “Jewellery? Yeah you strike me as that kind of girl. In fact I bet you’ve got a whole ton of jewellery at home, like four shoe boxes full, but there are only three or four bits that you really like, and those are the only ones you wear when you go out, right?”

She will either agree with the assumption and be impressed at your intuition, or disagree and give you more information, as she explains how she feels about jewelery. Either way, you’ve kept the conversation going, and moved on from the opener without asking another question. It’s win win!

An alternative to making assumptions is to playfully challenge her response. It’s actually okay to be rude to a girl in this situation, as long as you do it playfully! In fact you’ll probably be surprised at how much you can get away with.

PUA: “Jewellery? Why does every girl suggest that?! Pause and give a mock disapproving shake of the head, I’m sure you can do better than that. Come on, try and suggest something interesting.”

As long as you do this gently and playfully, you should manage to hook the girl, and you’re also being cocky funny, which is an attractive quality. When she does come up with an interesting suggestion you can reward her with a high five.

So, let’s take the second problem, where you’ve successfully moved the conversation on from your opening line, and things seem to be going well, but she keeps taking things back to the opener. This is the exact situation that happened to a student of mine the other day. He had confidently opened a two set by asking them about a present he was getting for a friend, and he had managed to hook them.

Student: “So where do you guys tend to go out?”

2 set: “We tend to go to Soho, but anyway, have you thought about getting a necklace for your friend?”

And as simply as that, the conversation went back to the opener. However this doesn’t have to be the case. What my student should have done was ignore the question!

His response should have been something like:

“Soho? Oh, where all the gay clubs are? I bet you guys have like a ton of gay friends and when you go out you always hang out with them, and include them in your girl chats.”

Ignore her comment about the necklace and make an assumption which relates to her. As she does not have that much vested interest in your opener, she won’t mind if the conversation jumps onto something more interesting, such as herself and her personal tastes! Remember everyone’s favourite subject is themselves.

The key is to relate to what the girl says, and to listen and connect with what she has to say, instead of just trying to keep the conversation going at all costs. Don’t be afraid to put the girl under a bit of pressure. After all, the fact that she’s attractive should not be enough for you to give her your unconditional interest.

A lot of guys are worried about the conversation stalling, so instead of listening and engaging with the girl, they are desperately thinking of their next question. This results in a conversation which will be similar to an interview, as the man fires off questions at the girl without really listening to her responses. If you take the time to listen, and are not afraid to challenge the girl, you’ll find that the conversation will flow a lot more naturally. More importantly, you will be much more likely to make a connection, and will come across as different from all the other guys who just ask the same boring questions.

Brad <–>

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I’m not sure why I love watching irreverent clips like that, but I do. Thank you!

Anyhow, on to more important matters; anyone who’s read the posts of my slightly irate colleague, Evil PUA, will be aware that there is a certain amount of frustration in the community about people who teach others how to get women whilst getting no results themselves.

You need no qualifications to become a teacher of pick up, and in a lot of cases you don’t need to prove yourself, just talking a good game will be enough. When I was learning I had various personal tuition from some of the supposedly best trainers in the world. Only a few of the people I met were really good, and the majority of them were simply okay. I also trained with some guys who were terrible, who literally had no game, but were still making a living from teaching pick up. All they did was approach women, and get blown out. They would rarely get a number, or even stay in set for that long, but would still walk away talking about how many IOIs they had just been given, and how that girl was ‘totally into them’. Not good.

If you are going to market yourself as a seduction guru, you should be no less than AWESOME at getting women. Someone who: ‘once slept with a model’, or ‘always gets loads of numbers’ or ‘always hangs around with hot girls’ is not necessarily a PUA. A PUA is someone who can get results, anytime, anywhere, and who can impart the knowledge of what makes them good to other people. Being good with women is not enough; you must be able to teach as well.

A PUA can make a girl who is not initially attracted to him become so. They don’t play a numbers game, which involves approaching hundreds of women every week, playing the law of averages, and getting lucky. They run a smooth, solid pattern of behaviour that they’ve worked on, which gets results, regardless of looks, and which can be taught. There are very few gurus out there who can actually teach this, but those who can are worth their weight in gold.

So how do you spot a bad PUA from a good one?

Firstly, a lot of PUAs have material up on the internet, and they have videos of themselves in the field, approaching women. Have a look, and see what you think of the person’s style. If you have any doubts or questions, contact them.

Secondly, they should be able to offer you a money back guarantee if you’re not happy with the training. If at any point during the training you don’t feel that you’re learning, or you just don’t feel that you’re getting what you paid for, you should be able to walk away, only having paid for the amount of time you’ve been there. Be wary of anyone who doesn’t offer this.

Thirdly, try and seek out a ‘word of mouth’ recommendation for the person you’re going to train with, rather than just internet traffic, or complimentary posts. Some PUAs deserve their awesome reputation, and can do amazing things, where as others are just good at online marketing.

Lastly, a good PUA will tailor the training to you. Anyone can help someone memorize a routine and encourage that person to open a ton of women with it, but that is not teaching game. A good teacher of pick up will analyse what you are doing right, and what you’re doing wrong, and will be able to give you the skills and knowledge to be better with women than you were.

There are a lot of men out there who desperately want to be better with women and are willing to pay people to teach them. I used to be one. And speaking from experience, there are many people out there who are teaching game who shouldn’t be, as they just don’t know what they’re talking about. They hide behind jargon, marketing and relentless self promotion, which is fundamentally dishonest.

Pick up can be taught, and mastering game is a challenging, rewarding, and ultimately enjoyable experience, and I would advise anyone thinking about learning it to do so, just beware of imitations.

Brad

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The British PUA Richard La Ruina (AKA Gambler) had a chance encounter when he was running a boot camp in a coffee shop in Leicester Square which he mentions in his book, The Natural Art of Seduction. He describes Tyler as being with a bunch of ‘strange-looking guys who all had papers that carried graphics about how to approach women…’

A quick search on youtube doesn’t bring up much other than a couple of videos which involve Tyler, who looks a little bit like a younger, plumper version of Bill Bailey, talking in what appears to be an engaging and charismatic way about how to be a better person. He struck me as someone who would be a good teacher of pick up, but perhaps that’s his main selling point, good self promotion.

Some people in the community say that he’s changed from the destructive, manipulative character described in The Game to a more content, philosophical teacher of self help. Others say he’s still as manipulative as ever, riding out his notorious fame, courtesy of Strauss, without ever having to prove himself. His RSD boot camps cost $1500 and a lot of them are fully booked, or have a waiting lists, so his global success is not in question, but his core credibility is, at least by some people.

Whatever you may think of him, the global success of his company, his charisma, and his sheer ruthlessness to succeed, as described in The Game, deserve respect at some level. This community would be boring without colourful, charismatic people who divide opinion, and I felt that his presence certainly made Strauss’ story a more interesting one.

Brad

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“Can texting be used to seduce?”

This is a question that I am asked on numerous occasions by students, and my answer is that it’s what you do in the interaction that is important, and that’s what she will remember.

The fact is that all interactions are unique, and in some cases you may have had the opportunity to make a really good connection with a girl, and she is subsequently keen to see you again. In this case whether you call or what you text is not really important, as you’ll probably be able to see her again without too much difficulty.

However, if you didn’t manage to make the interaction as intense as you would have liked, or just didn’t have time to follow through into the seductive phase of the inteaction, then how you text message her can be quite important. It can certainly be frustrating to number close a hot girl, and then not know how to carry things on in the smoothest way possible. If you call her, you’re putting both yourself and her on the spot to have a conversation which won’t be that easy if you haven’t yet connected that well. However, some people really like to call, and feel that it’s assertive, and gives the opportunity to further build comfort.

My advice would be to do what feels natural. If you’ve met a girl who was really chatty, and seemed into you, then call her. If you met a girl who was a bit more aloof and had a few more barriers up, then you might need to ellicit some interest from her using texts before she agrees to see you.

It reminds me of a situaion that I went through early on in my PU days. I had gone on a date with a smoking hot girl, which my inner AFC was telling me was way out of my league. Despite being nervous, I managed to appear confident, and the date went well, with a kiss at the end of it. I thought that having kissed her, and having got on well, the second date would be easy, but it wasn’t that simple. Little did I know at the time, but I was getting involved with a serious game player. I was still naieve to how well callibrated girls are when it comes to flirting and relationships, and would often be totally honest in my replies, unaware that I was being tested.

She didn’t take calls, and would only text (she never explained why). So after our first successful date I sent her a text asking her out again, and she basically sent me an abrupt text telling me she was busy, and that she would let me know when she was free.

‘She doesn’t want to see me again! What have I done?!’ screamed my inner AFC.

The fact was, I hadn’t done anything wrong perse. I was just letting her take control of the interaction. Looking back, she knew exactly what she was doing, and was testing me for social proof, and basically encouraging me to chase her. However chasing after her would have made her loose interest, as that would lowered my value and would have been needy, AFC behavour. Confusing? A little, but PU is not usually this complicated, I promise!

Fortunately at this time I was in close contact with a number of London MPUAs who were only too happy to give a grateful chump like me some much needed advice of how to deal with a girl like this.

Where as once my texts would have ALWAYS involved a question, because I desperate for a response so I could keep the interaction going, they advised me to do the following: Wait a few hours before responding, don’t always be readily available to meet up, and instead of asking questions, to simply send statements coupled with DHVs, e.g. mentioning which club I was going to, or what me and my friends were up to.

Whilst I hate doing things like this, such as waiting to reply purely for the sake of it, it is an unfortunate necessity when you have just met someone. I strive to be honest as a PUA, but this is just sometimes not that easy to do. Put simply, if a girl is really hot, and you really want to see her again, telling her exaclty how you feel is going to come across as too forward, and too direct. You have to play it cool, and try and be aloof, even though you might really like her and want to see her again as soon as possible.

It’s amazing how often a girl will start chasing you, if you just hold back a bit and stop chasing her and asking her questions.

I like to be as natural as possible, but before I learnt game I left myself vulnerable to being played, and basically failed every shit test put my way. I was ALWAYS available for them, would reply to any text they sent IMMEIDATELY, and if I didn’t manage to do so, I would apologize for my late reply, and I would always be the one persistently asking them out.

If a girl has asked you out, and you’re going out with friends that night, then tell her you can’t meet, and let her know why. It will only increase her desire to meet with you. If she has texted you what you’re up to, then don’t reply immediately, and leave it a while until you do text her. If you do this, every time she recieves a text from someone, she will hope that it will be you who’s replying. The longer you leave it, the more grateful she will be when you finally do get in touch.

If you do come across a girl who seems to be playing games, then you’re going to have to up yours, and get her to do a little bit of work to see you. Put simply:

‘Don’t play a player.’

Brad

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